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Relationship Science

How Do I Know if My Partner Truly Loves Me?

Last updated on July 5, 2023

"True love cannot be found where it does not exist, nor can it be denied where it does."
Torquato Tasso (Italian Poet)

     True love is something that we all strive for, something that we all search for. We watch romantic films where true love is deemed hard to find but not impossible. One key, common factor in all of these films is that the main character has to work hard to achieve their dream and find the love of their life, their one true love. The search for true love is not full of mildly funny encounters that always lead to the ultimate prize of finding the love of your life. True love takes time and effort to achieve and much, much more to maintain. When in a relationship the idea that our partner no longer loves us is one of the most worrying thoughts to have and one that often plagues the minds of many people. Our own hearts may be full to bursting with love for our partner but do they love us? Do they truly love us? Of course, you could ask them outright and see what they say. However, in order to not suddenly surprise your partner with such a question you can keep an eye open for signs that demonstrate their true love for you. Some will be easy to see, some a little harder. However, before we approach the signs of true love it is important to consider the signs that our partner no longer loves us (whether they no longer love us at all or that their love is wavering). While this may seem a negative topic when looking for signs of true love it is important for our own emotional safety that we understand the signs that our partner’s love is going or has gone. For the purpose of this article we will start with the negative (signs our partner may no longer truly love us) and end with the positive (signs our partner truly loves us).

Signs That Point to Love Lost

Obviously, none of us want our partner to fall out of love with us. It is heartbreaking when this happens. However, more often than not there are signs that this is the case but we miss them because of our insatiable love for them. Now, we are not encouraging you to actively look for these signs all of the time, that is not good for your mental health. The important thing to remember is that if these signs arise, and become more apparent or more often in occurrence, then you need to consider whether your partner truly loves you anymore. 

  1. Iceman towards your friends. If you suddenly notice that your partner becomes cold towards your group of friends this could be a sign of them distancing themselves. This distancing could be in the form of removing them from their social media platforms, becoming reluctant to spend time with them, or putting them down (verbally) to you or their friends. Most of the time our friends came into our lives way before our partner and are some of the most important people to us. Our partners are well aware of this so if they suddenly distance themselves or remove them from their lives this could be a sign that they are preparing to remove you as well. 
  2. Avoiding time with your family. This one depends on how long you and your partner have been together. If it is very early in the relationship your partner may feel nervous about spending time with your family and therefore avoid some occasions where there is a large group of them. However, if you and your partner have been together for some time and they begin to avoid your family this could be a sign that they no longer love you. Just like removing your friends from their lives, removing your family is another way to distance themselves from you. If you see that they are avoiding special events with your family etc be aware that this could signify their loss of love for you. Make sure that this is not just a one-time occurrence but is something you notice happening more and more often.
  3. Decision-making requires conversations in relationships. Loving, healthy relationships are established on a bedrock of trust and mutual respect for each other. When you have been together for a while you begin to make decisions as a couple, especially when important decisions need to be made that may affect you both. If your partner makes life-changing or very important decisions without consulting you this could be a sign that they no longer respect or want to hear your opinion. If they no longer respect your opinion or want you to be a part of big decisions then this should be a clearcut sign that their love for you has gone, or is certainly lessening rapidly.
  4. Silence is not always golden. Our partner is supposed to be our go-to person when we have a problem. We confide in them as we trust them to not only keep it to themselves but also to guide, support and care for us as we try to solve them. However, if you notice that your partner no longer tries to confide in you about any problems they are having, this could be a sign of them falling out of love. The reason for falling out of love with you is that they no longer feel comfortable sharing their problems with you. Now, there is one very important thing to remember here. If your partner is not discussing their problems with you it does not necessarily mean they have fallen out of love with you, it could just be that they have no problems you can support them with. However, if you become aware that they have confided in someone else, and more than once, this could be a sign they no longer truly love you as they do not want to hear what you have to say.

  5. Alone is fine but not too much. This has two aspects to it. The first is that your partner prefers to spend time on their own rather than with you. This is made worse when they do not give a reason why if you ask them. Of course, we all need some time to ourselves but if you are in a loving relationship this will not happen too often and, when it does, your partner will happily give an explanation as to why. The aspect of this is your partner being happy with you going alone, anywhere. This could be that they no longer want to go places you like together or they no longer want to pick you up or drop you off when you need to go somewhere. Over time you will see this as them not caring that you are going places alone, especially if they are places you would expect a partner to go with you. If your partner prefers to be away from you or desires more and more time alone then this could be a sign that they are falling out of love with you. If you truly love someone then you want to spend as much time as possible with them.

  6. Important dates are something to remember. Every loving couple has them. All loving couples have important dates that mean something to them. This could be in the form of birthdays, anniversaries, a first kiss, the first time you ‘ahem’, or even a first date. Not all of these dates are necessarily celebrated but will come up in conversation or be remembered on the day and talked about. However, there are some here that should be actively celebrated such as birthdays. If your partner stops remembering these special dates, and regularly, then this could be a sign that they no longer see them as important. If the dates are no longer important to them then it is highly likely that you are also becoming less important. This is a sign that they are falling out of love with you because the dates of important, loving events are no longer important to them.

  7. Compliments dry up. We all love a compliment. We all love to hear nice things about ourselves, whether about our personality, actions, or appearance. Our partner is, usually, the main person who gives us these compliments. Sometimes they are small, daily compliments or at other times more extravagant displays. Either way, in a loving relationship both partners will compliment each other. If you notice that the compliments have started to dry up and that your partner no longer says nice things about you to you then this could be a sign that they have fallen out of love for you. You may also notice that if you ask for a compliment they get angry with you. This is also a sign that the love is lost because they do not want to reassure you that you are beautiful etc.

  8. Physical intimacy stops. Now, this topic will depend on how intimate you both were at the beginning of your relationship or when things were better. While sex is not the be-all and end-all, physical intimacy (of varying levels) is critical in many relationships and a sudden lack of it can indicate a problem. A lack of intimacy could point to two possible issues. The first is that they are being intimate with someone else and therefore no longer seek intimacy from you or that your partner no longer feels comfortable being intimate with someone they no longer love. It could be argued that a lack of intimacy in a relationship is the most obvious sign that love has been lost. 

  9. They become easily irritated. In most relationships, you love your partner and their flaws. Most people love their partner’s flaws and, often, they are almost the reason they love them. In a loving relationship, your partner will not point out your flaws or mock them. However, if the love in the relationship is lost then little things will begin to annoy your partner, including your flaws. If this is the case then it means your partner no longer cares about your feelings because they no longer truly love you. Unfortunately, if they begin to point out your flaws or become irritated by them then they no longer respect you enough to not mock you for them.

  10. Secrets do not belong in a healthy, loving relationship. This is not always something that is easy to spot because of its very nature. However, if you notice that your partner takes phone calls out of earshot, reads messages while hiding them from you, or is less forthcoming with information about their life away from you (work etc) then it could be a sign that they are hiding something from you. If you realise your partner is keeping secrets from you it could mean that they no longer feel comfortable sharing with you. If this is the case then it could mean that they are no longer truly in love with you. 

  11. No more comfort. When you are in a loving relationship your partner will be the first person you go to when something goes wrong because they will do all they can to comfort you and make you feel better. Your partner should always be there to listen to you and comfort you when needed. If they stop making the effort to comfort you when you are sad or they stop offering your support then they no longer care for your feelings. If your partner demonstrates that they no longer consider how you feel to be important then they no longer love you.

True Love is Out There!

     It may seem that finding true love is a very difficult thing to do. However, many people find true love every day and live happy, love-filled lives. Many people though want reassurance that their partner truly loves them. There are many different signs that our partners truly love us, we just have to be aware of them! Here are just some of the signs that your partner truly loves you. 

  • You feel safe with your partner. In any healthy, loving relationship you will find two people who feel completely comfortable and safe with each other. Love is based on a foundation of trust and trust is what makes us feel safe. If your partner truly loves you they will not physically hurt or intimidate you and they will damage your possessions. You will also find that they do not force or pressure you into doing things you may not want to do. If your partner truly loves you they will not make decisions for you or cut you off from your friends or family. All of this links back to feeling safe. If your partner truly loves you they will ensure all of the above does not happen. If they truly love you, you will be able to make your own decisions or express yourself without worrying about how they may respond. Yes, everyone experiences anger or annoyance but a partner that truly loves you will handle this in a calm, healthy way. 
  • They listen and take it all in. We have previously explained how in an unhealthy relationship your partner will hear you but not listen. This is a sign that they do not truly love you as they are not interested in what you have to say. However, if your partner truly loves you they will take an active interest in your life, every detail. By active listening, we mean that they will ask insightful questions and wait for their turn to share rather than immediately turning the conversations toward themselves or their own experiences. You will notice this as you will ‘feel’ that they really care rather than receiving “okay”, or “yeah, that’s bad” responses. It is important to remember that they will not remember every single word you said but they will have a solid awareness of what you said and the things that matter most to you. They will remember what you like and don’t like, all of your hopes and fears, etc. If your relationship is a healthy one your partner will acknowledge the bad things as well as the good. If you discuss a concern, relationship issue, or sensitive problem they will take account of your feelings instead of ignoring or belittling your problems.
  • Your differences are acknowledged and accepted. You and your partner will share many similarities, and that is why you found each other. However, you are still different people and will not necessarily agree on everything or share the same opinion on every topic. If your partner truly loves you they will accept your differences and not attempt to change you in any way. If your partner truly loves you they will accept, and respect, your ideas and feelings as a part of what makes you, you. They will of course enter into healthy, respectful debates with you but they will show interest in your perspective rather than trying to turn you to their way of thinking. A partner who truly loves you will offer you support and guidance but they will not try and control your choices or behaviour. Your partner will not withhold affection or criticize you until you share their opinion if they truly love you. As a happy, loving couple you will respect and celebrate your differences.
  • Communication is key. True love requires you and your partner to have honest, open, and respectful communication. Yes, you will have private thoughts and feelings and of course, you do not need to share everything. There is no doubt that your partner will do one or two things that may frustrate you, and you will do the same. You may decide to vent to a friend about these things instead of being seen picking at every little annoying thing. However, it is important to remember that neither of you is a mind reader! In order for the relationship to thrive you need to discuss issues that are important. If your partner truly loves you they will understand the need to communicate effectively and be fully invested when a tricky conversation is needed. If they truly love you they will want to ensure that if communication skills are hard to come by they will work on them. If your partner truly loves you they will not shy away from sensitive conversations but want to solve them fairly and respectfully. 

  • Encouraging your independence. Now, we do not mean they want you gone all of the time. Of course, all loving partner’s enjoy each other's company and want to spend lots of time together. However, if your partner truly loves you they will understand that you are a separate person outside of your relationship. If they truly love you they will support you when you want to spend time with friends or if you want to pursue your own hobbies. They will also seek to entertain themselves through time with their friends and partaking in their own hobbies rather than have you fulfill all of their social needs. It is important to remember that both of you may not always agree with how the other spends their time. If they truly love you, and you them, they will express respectful concern rather than just criticizing your choices. If your partner truly loves you they will respect your need for independence and not try and track your every move or hound you with questions. 

  • Trust and love go hand in hand. It could be said that love and trust come together and neither can survive without the other. If your partner truly loves you they will trust you. They won’t question where you have been or go through your phone or computer. If you do not give them reason to distrust you they will not accuse you of any lying, cheating, or insist that you should do everything together. If they truly love you, they will trust you with their fears, emotions, and opinions. They will share their challenges and ask you for support. Trust breeds trust, remember that! They will trust you if they truly love you but will also want the same in return. Trust is the foundation of every happy, healthy, and loving relationship.

  • An effort is made. It is obvious that an attraction can be made in an instant. Lasting love requires more time and commitment than this. This section is more about someone who truly cares for you which will develop into true love. If your partner truly cares for you they will want to build your love slowly and make it secure. To do this they will want to make spending time with you a priority, they will express a real interest in getting to know you as a person, they will be prepared and ‘happy’ to talk through any and all disagreements and conflicts,  they will agree to try new things with you and, more importantly, they will express their commitment to growing as partners. True love requires true effort and this will be evident if it is meant!

  • They will help you have your needs met. Now, it is obvious that no single person can meet all of your needs. A romantic partner will provide much emotional support and for that reason, many people seek a loving relationship. A loving partner cannot, and should not, do everything for you but they will still celebrate your successes and support you in times of struggle. When your partner truly loves you they will offer you assistance with things they can help with, and ideas and suggestions when they cannot. If you are having problems they cannot help you with, such as mental health issues or a problem at work, they will encourage and support you in finding the right type of help. In short, if they truly love you they will do all they can to make you feel better and find the answers to any problems.

  • Everyday signs are there, as long as you pay attention. Your partner may not surprise you at work with a picnic lunch or bring you fancy gifts. However, you notice that they make you a drink every morning when you wake up, they smile every time you enter a room, and/ or they remember all of your important dates. These small moments of everyday life demonstrate their true love for you. Someone who truly loves you will be a steady and caring presence in your life, through the good and bad. While these ‘quiet’ demonstrations of affection may not ‘wow’ you but they will last forever as demonstrations that your partner truly cares for you, and truly loves you.

  • They only want the best….for you. This may seem obvious but we will discuss it anyway! By wanting the best for you we do not mean they will give in to your every demand or do absolutely everything for you. Wanting the best for you means they will do all they can to help you achieve your dreams and they will do their best to make you happy. True love will present itself as them doing all they can to make you happy without laying everything on a plate for you. They will enrich your lives through their unwavering support and guidance. 

To conclude, if your partner truly loves you they will treat you with the utmost respect and be there for you through thick and thin. True love takes time to establish and can only be present in a relationship that is based on mutual respect, a foundation of trust, and effective communication. True love is not about over-the-top, extravagant displays of affection but the everyday, personal moments that make your heart flutter.  True love is possible for all!



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