Talking to a Woman for the First Time Via Text
Tips for Your First Text with Her

Last updated on April 27, 2024

     When we meet someone for the first time we make a first impression very quickly, almost instantly. It is said that it takes a person around a tenth of a second to form an impression about someone. This is often based on appearance, body language, and the initial comment.  In an online chat room, it probably takes a bit longer as you don’t see body language, hear intonation, etc. The big difference is that in person you can see their nerves and relate whereas online you just see what is written. While your text-based messages are based on written messages a first impression is still vitally important. Here are a couple of ideas for your first message.

• Stick to what you know — there is nothing like the basics when sending an initial message but make sure you are not too boring! You can use the everyday approach such as saying “Hello, how are you?”. However, you must be careful when using the everyday approach as this could be seen as lacking creativity. It could be said that you should combine the basics with some of the other tips we have below when talking to a woman for the first time. 
• Be specific with your opening comment — being more specific is more likely to get you a response, especially if what you say is very interesting and relevant. If you use phrases such as ‘I notice that…’, ‘You have written in your profile that’ or ‘I can see from your photo that…’ you are showing the other person that you have taken the time and care to look through their information and find out more about them. It also demonstrates your genuine interest in them and that you want to find out more. Be specific and avoid being too vague. This approach will get you a response as long as your specificity is not taken as rude or invasive. 
• Would you rather have questions — these can be excellent ice-breakers, especially when messaging a woman for the first time, as they are either funny, thought-provoking, or both! Asking questions like ‘Would you rather have the ability to be invisible or read other people's minds?’, ‘Would you rather have £50,000,000 right now or be 15 again with everything you know now?’, ‘Would you rather never drink tea again or only be able to drink tea from now on?’ Okay, so the last one is a bit of fun but is still a question that could, and should, get a response! Just make sure you keep these sorts of questions clean and polite as a rude message with someone you do not know will push them away!
• Deep questioning — now, you must be careful with this one as you do not want to ask questions that could be deemed prying or digging too deep! If you ask someone how much money they make each month or why they have never been married you run the risk of offending the other person and a woman you’ve just met does not want to feel they are being grilled! You could ask ‘What is the most meaningful event in your life so far?’. These questions can be highly effective but also risky, think carefully. 
• General, open-ended questions — these are excellent but make sure you do not rely on them too often as they can get pretty boring and repetitive. A simple ‘What has been the best part of your day?’ or ‘What makes you smile?’ is open-ended enough that the other person feels comfortable answering them while understanding that they can give as much or as little information as they wish. If you have just met this lady you do not want to be asking about the weather or what she had for lunch!

While the above tips generally concern your opening message there are some other things to remember when it comes to all of your messages.

1. Be respectful.  You must treat the other person the same way online as you would in ‘the real world’. People will not appreciate rude comments and want to be treated with respect during their search for a connection, friendship, or even love. We would say that respect is the number one factor to keep in mind when chatting to anyone online.
2. No rude jokes.  Everyone likes a good joke but you must keep them clean, at least in the beginning until you know the other person well enough! Make sure you keep away from rude comments, jokes, and photos so that you do not come across as too much of a joker or someone who is always rude. If you are rude then you will lose, we imagine, every woman you start chatting with online. Why risk losing a possibly wonderful connection?  
3. Make it interesting.  A bored person is a person who walks away from your conversations. You need to keep their interest by asking insightful, open questions and listening carefully. Demonstrate that you have listened through making relevant comments, and asking questions relating to previous conversations or what you see in their profile. All women appreciate being listened to and will spot when this is not happening.
4. Make it relevant.  Don’t focus on the past or comment on something completely irrelevant. Women do not want to hear about your romantic past, at least not in the beginning. They need to know that you are interested in them and not clutching at straws or talking too much about yourself!